I found myself this past weekend in the awkward situation in which I was asked to give an ex-boyfriend feedback on his online dating profile. Now, believe me when I say that I strongly resisted taking on the task. But this ex is newly single with a track record for serial monogamy. In some ways, this was his first real foray into dating in his whole life, and he had no idea what he was doing.
Having a certain expertise in pimping myself out online, I approached the lose-lose project with the same enthusiasm I generally have for skimming through online profiles (read: none).
I first honed in on the pictures. He featured a lot of artsy, half-obsured shots, which the skeptic in me usually hates because it leaves me wondering whether the person is strangely disfigured or a criminal on the run.The one frontal shot of him was not representative of his looks and, to make matters worse, showed him sporting one of *my* old t-shirts. Unbelievable.
I then started reading his personal summary and his various likes and dislikes. As I scanned through the sections, I had to restrain myself from making massive edits. I kept thinking as I read: why would he mention this annoying thing about himself and this other annoying thing.
And then it hit me. I had always thought that the things that bothered me about him were exceptions to who he really was. But then looking at his profile, and seeing it all laid out, I realized those things weren't exceptions; they *are* who he is.
So, in the end, I recommended some photo change and left the text alone. Because, after all, he deserves a girl who can see him (and like him) as he truly is.
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