Call me frustrated...

but does anyone else think that the new Tropicana packaging is a little risque?

Seriously, I know Tropicana has struggled in the last couple years in rebranding itself (the last design was pulled off the shelves within months). While this packaging is moderately better than the last attempt, I still think overall it's a bust {pun intended}.

Unhelpful things that coupled people say

"You always meet someone when you're not looking."

Really? What would following this advice look like? Will Mr. Right suddenly materialize from my television set while i'm watching back episodes of the West Wing?

Yeah..I'm pretty sure that's not going to work.

Double Dipping

Two years ago I resolved to stop getting physical with people that I used to be romantically involved with.  As you can probably guess, it was a pretty severe problem to necessitate me making a resolution about it.

The truth is that as hard as it is for me to fall in love, it’s much harder for me to fall out of it. And, if I were to be entirely truthful with myself, I’m not quite sure that I’m not still in love with all of my exes in some small way.

This is not to say that I want to get back together with any of them. I whole-heartedly agree with authors Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt that it’s called a break up because it’s broken. With possibly the exception of the last guy I dated, I am 100% clear that I don’t want to be in a relationship with any boyfriends from the past.

What I desire is far more elusive than that. The emotions that I continue to hold on to are a love for the way we used to be. I pine for the time before I realized that they weren’t perfect and when I  still believed we could be happy forever. I yearn for the giddiness that marked the beginning of our relationships and the intimacy that grew in the months and years thereafter. I used to revisit old relationships in hopes of tapping into all of the feelings that preceded the fall.

This weekend I had the opportunity to see an ex of mine. And like waves, snapshots of our former life together resurfaced in my mind. Not whole episodes, but things like the private smiles he would sneak me when we were in public places or the way that my whole body would feel it when he held my hand.When our afternoon plans fell through, I was relieved. While I am over the man, it is proving difficult to fully break up with the memory of him.

Strategy 2: Getting Seen

I have a theory.

The biggest hurdles to meeting other singles in urban areas is "seeing" and "getting seen."

You see, there's a whole lot going on in cities: a plethora of people, flashing lights, constant stimuli. In order to successfully get anything done, city-dwellers have to filter out some of the visual noise.

In my last 8 years of urban-living, I have learned that the key to getting through the day is to walk fast and keep my eyes tilted downwards. Falter just a bit on this and the next thing I know I'm buying stale candy bars from some big-eyed, baggy pants-wearing tween on the subway who not-so convincingly says it's a fundraiser for his basketball team.

On the flip side, not only is "not seeing" a survival skill, the ability to disappear in a crowd has some serious benefits too. Blend in and I can avoid catcalls from construction men, questions from tourists, and the accidental run-in with a more successful classmate from high school or college.

So the big question is: if you're single living in a space where avoiding eye contact is a necessity, how do you ever meet new people?

Last weekend, I tried to practice seeing and getting seen by camping out at a coffee shop on Saturday and going solo to a progressive hip hop show on Sunday. The results?

The coffee shop had a conspicuous absence of twenty-somethings with the people cycling through the neighboring table alternating between prom-crazed teens and Slavic-speaking  grandmas. On Sunday the age range was better, but I'm pretty sure I was the only one there who wasn't a friend of the bands.

Date count for March: 0

Photo credit: http://www.graffiti.org/nyc/newyork_112.html

Update on My Larger Than Life Crush

The One Who Got Away has announced his new project, and it's kind of amazing.

Strategy #1: Online Dating

It's nearly two weeks into March Madness and I have been knee-deep in online dating. For anyone who has ever dabbled with OKCupid and the like, you might already be able to guess what my date count is so far. That's right: zero.

So here's the thing. Online dating is hard. In fact, it might be harder than in-person dating. Sure, I have the benefit of addressing a targeted audience of young, single men from the comfort of my living room. And yes, OKCupid gives me lots of helpful tools like "quivers," "winks," and "quick matches." But at the end of the day, it doesn't give me what I really need: A good pick up line.

Yes, even in online dating the pick up line matters.

You can agonize over your profile picture for months and tweak your self-summary until your laptop battery goes dead, but the key to nabbing a date with your dream guy  is in your opening line.


It has to be clever and smart. But not too long or pretentious. Referencing his profile is a nice touch. But then again, the likelihood that he remembers the details of what he wrote in it is low.

I've spent hours crafting two line messages, which makes for an even greater let down  when I log in the following day to see that my man of choice has looked at my profile and decided not to respond.

But wait...all is not lost! There's a note in my inbox from someone else.  I eagerly open up the message.He writes:

"hi cutie, how are you."

Crazy Emails You Receive When You're Single

Subject line: Need to go speed-dating with Sara* in Jersey
Body:  She need to have a baby she has less then a year to do this [sic]



*Name has been changed so as to save this singleton from any further indignities

Low

It's 9:47 on Saturday night, and I am home alone.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't been sitting on my couch all night, although, truthfully, I'd probably be in a better state right now if I had.

In my efforts to put myself out there for March Madness, I went to a birthday party of someone who I barely knew. I had actually been really excited about it. I didn't expect that a date would manifest itself this evening, but I thought it would be a chance to meet new people and expand my networks since i'm still new to this city.

The party was in a small space, so with 30 people in the room it felt packed.I couldn't move without bumping into someone or standing in the middle of a conversation. And yet, I felt so totally and abysmally alone.

It was as if I spent the whole evening on the wrong side of bullet-proof glass. I was able to look into their world and hear their voices, but there was an impenetrable barrier between them and me.

During my walk home, I was surprisingly not sad about being single. I was sad because at that moment I desperately  wanted to stop by someone's house and see a familiar face, but there's no one near here who I could do that with. I was sad because at 9 on a Saturday night, I couldn't think of anyone who would pick up their phone if I called. I was sad because the greatest tragedy about growing older is that it's hard to make new connections and even harder to maintain old ones.

Tonight I didn't feel as if I was missing a boyfriend. I  was missing all of the amazing and talented women who I have ever had the privilege of calling my friends.

Please Don't Sing Me Love Songs

It has been said, by more than one person, that maybe my (lack of) dating problem has something to do with my expectations being too high.

I'll admit it. My expectations are high. But is it really so crazy that I want to date people who I actually like?

Yes, my must-haves include smarts, humor, drive, and a face that I'd want to make out with. But there's also a lot I'm willing  to compromise on. For instance, I don't care if a guy is romantic.

No, really. I don't get fussed about flowers. I don't need bling for my birthday. And I certainly don't expect him to sing me love songs.

On second thought...I definitely don't want him to sing me love songs. In the best cases, they are sweet. In most cases, they are creepy.You only have to look as far as Bruno Mars to know that.

March Madness

Today is the first day of March, and I have made the decision that I'm going to go into it like a Lion.

Not only am I determined to break my dating dry spell.
I am going to challenge myself to go on at least TWO dates with TWO different people this month.

To some of you, I know that doesn't seem like a whole lot. But remember, for the last half year, I've been acting like a lamb.

Wish me luck!