Hollywood and High Hopes: Part I

When the same idea  is repeated over and over, even if it makes little sense, you start believing it's true.Things like: the 100+ degree temperature in Arizona isn't that bad because it's dry heat. Or, that organic junk food is somehow not bad for you. Or, that falling in love while on vaction happens...often.

Let's stick with that last one for a  moment. If I had to estimate, I would guess there are about a million  movies out there that are conspiring to make people believe that love is just a plane ride away. Like this one:

And this one:

And let's not forget  this one:

But what happens if we really look at the data? Let's use me as the sample case.  In the last 10 years, I have on average gone on 4 vacations a year (pretty cushy, I know). Out of those 40 or so vacations, the number of romantic encounters I have had adds up to exactly...wait for it...one. That's right, my odds of out-of-state lovin' right now are 1/40. A totally depressing figure.

Yet, the idea of the holiday romance is so pervasive that it trumps any  evidence to the contrary. Last week,  I had designed a solo vacation for myself in Arizona that mainly featured scenic drives and remote hikes. I couldn't have built in more alone time for myself if I had vactioned in a monastary for a week. In spite of these circumstances I couldn't fight the nagging feeling that I  was the star of some Hollywood film, and I was right at the brink of meeting my leading man.

Did I meet someone? No. Do I still have hopes I might meet someone on my upcoming trip to South America? Well...kind of.

Now that's a powerful myth.

Can Women and Men Just Be Friends: Part II

So there's this guy that I work with. I think of him like my brother, and as the unlucky winner of this title he gets the full on, uncensored version of me. He hears about the goings on of my digestive track. I snore in the car when he gives me late night rides home. I call him on every instance that he tries to puff himself up (as well as all the instances when he tries to sell himself short).

But somewhere in the back of mind, I have the suspicion that if I made a romantic advance, he wouldn't turn me down. And so I hesitate before making certain jokes, and I think twice about buying him birthday and holiday presents to make sure that they are appropriately professional and platonic.

These slight amendments I make with him that I don't with my gal pals makes me wonder: are we truly friends?

Reality Check: My Love Life Isn't That Hard

Can Women and Men Just Be Friends?: Part I

For most of my life I have strongly argued that it is possible for women and men to just be friends. But the older I get, and the more complex romantic relationships have become, I’ll have to admit that I am wavering some.

For example, last weekend I had drinks with a good male friend of mine who I’ve known since high school. He’s a real guy’s guy, so we spent the evening at an Irish pub, where he was sporting his typical attire of a Yankee’s cap and a Guinness t-shirt. At some point over the course of the night we started into one of these “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” type conversations. His gripe: why do women read so much into things?

 He proceeded to tell me a story of a recent tiff he and his live-in girlfriend had. He had gone to a family wedding solo (no plus one was offered on the invite) and then to save money ended up crashing on the hotel room floor of a female childhood friend .Nothing happened., but yet, his girlfriend was pissed .She made him go through every detail of the night, questioned every other alternative he could have taken.

There’s a time in my life, where I would have been on his side. And even that night, there was a moment where I thought she was being a bit unreasonable. But I couldn’t bring myself to voice the words that I knew he wanted to hear.  

Instead I said this. “Of all the people in the world your girlfriend could be with, she chose you. And she’s happy. So from her perspective, it’s really hard for her to imagine a woman out there who knows you who wouldn’t want to choose you too.”

He took a slug of his beer and looked up at me, “You know, sometimes you make too much sense.”

Just when you think you know someone...

Friends and family who met their spouses in college or at work often question me about my dating habits. The exact questions may differ, but the heart of at least one of them is always the same: How do you know that your new crush isn't crazy?

Sadly, the answer is that I don't. And there's no way that I can ever know. But that's the risk with any relationship.This week's Modern Love article in the New York Times demonstrated just that: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/10/fashion/10Modern.html